recsforalloccasions: Black and white cat making Paul Gross Arms \o/ (Default)
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World Ain't Ready (185796 words) by idiopathicsmile - Les Misérables - All Media Types - Enjolras/Grantaire, background Courfeyrac/Jean Prouvaire

Do you ever read a fic and it's just so right and true and real that it just burrows into your heart and makes a home there because it's everything you always wanted, but never knew you needed? Yeah, this fic is like that for me.

It's a fake-dating, high school AU and I'll be honest, neither of those are things are go-to fic tropes for me. And yet, I spent all day today, in between some really, spectacularly unpleasant stuff that I can't talk about, just soaking in this fic. Basking in it and everything it represents.

It's about queerness and community and finding trust, when trust seems impossible. And it's about being seventeen and queer in a conservative town, with fucked up brain-chemistry and crippling self-doubt and overwhelming expectations and basically, what it was like to be ME. This fic was like looking into a mirror.

Only this mirror-me got the things I desperately needed and I'm not sure could ever have had. Because I went to high school in the mid-90s and although a remarkable number of my high school friends have since come out, we never -- could never -- talk about it at the time. I didn't even have the language or self-awareness to talk about this shit. Not about being queer. Not about my fucked up brain chemistry. Not about the crippling fear that I was smart, but not smart enough. (If I could have talked about the second one, the third one might not have come back to bite me in the ass so much in university).

So, yeah, this fic is going to stick with me for a long fucking time, in the way that all the best fiction does. It's one of the most honest stories I've read in a long, long time.
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recsforalloccasions: Black and white cat making Paul Gross Arms \o/ (Default)
recsforalloccasions

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